His & Hers Infertility (just like the matching towels)

MIA

2012-02-15T08:09:00.000-05:00

Sorry Ive been MIA. This recovery has been more than I could have ever imagined!! Just when I started feeling a bit better, I took a turn for the worse. It was weird, all the sudden I was so tired I slept most of the day, this was the first problem. I kept telling my DH, I just didnt feel like I was where I should be in my recovery, but then I would remember...I lost a whole organ & 4 pints of blood..this was probably normal.

Then 2 weeks ago I got this pain in my back. I called my surgeon & he said I had probably just tweaked something & to get a massage. Well, it went away, so I didnt think about it...until it was back! Last Wednesday morning it woke me up & it was downhill from there. Again, I thought it was just something tweaked, but it kept getting worse. By Wednesday night I couldnt sleep. It didnt matter if I was on my side, back or in a recliner, I was in so much pain. I started taking my pain pills again & they would last maybe 2 hours before the back pain was back. On Thursday morning, my DH helped me up to the bedroom & went to work. I tried to walk a lot that day, thinking I just needed to be up more, but after 15 mins, I was so tired, I had to sit back down. I ended up getting a massage appointment that night, thinking that was what I needed.

By the time the DH got home, I was in tears. I had managed to get a shower, but it took everything in me. We had talked about going to the ER, but I wanted to see what the massage brought...so off we went. Let me tell you, this was the most painful massage I had EVER had. I mean, crying, screaming, lip biting. My friend (my massage lady) really thought maybe a rib was out of place from surgery because of where the pain was, but was also a bit worried because I was retaining so much water on my back.

We left there, me almost in worse shape than when I went. By the time we got home, I was feeling better...until I went to lay down. My DH went to help me lay down in bed & the pain was so bad, it would take my breath away. I tried laying flat & just couldnt breath because it hurt so bad....so off to the ER we went.

I got in quickly since I had just had surgery, which was nice. They too thought because of where the pain was & what I was explaining again something was out of place or something. But they wanted to make sure there was no internal bleeding...so cat scan of my belly...clear. By then they had given me a muscle relaxer & pain pill to help with the pain. Mind you though, the entire time I was in the ER...my back didnt bother me, go figure! They were getting ready to discharge me with back pain & at the last minute the head of the ER decided to check my lungs...just in case, for blood clots.

I remember thinking, they are nuts! I mean, I had no signs of blood clots. I told my DH "Im going to do this test, it' going to be clear & we are going home to bed!"

Yeah, that is what I thought till they came & told me that I had blood clots in BOTH lungs!! (good thing I was on the meds) I think both the DH & I were in shock...as were the employees in the ER. They kept telling me they couldnt believe it....so this bought me a 2 night stay at the hospital.

I am lucky, we caught them early. I also have no signs of clots in my legs...so they really are not sure where they came from. The clots are all because of my surgery..apparently with your spleen holding so much blood when you remove it your body is trying to deal with what to do with all the blood your spleen holds....soooo your platelet count goes up. A normal persons count is 150,000-300,000 & mine was at almost 900,000, this causes clots!

So here I am, 30 years old & on blood thinning pills & shots. My body is responding VERY well to the meds, so I am hoping this morning is my last shot & then I will be on the pill for 12 months.

So that, my friends, is why I have been MIA. I will say however, now that we found the clots & are dealing with them it was almost IMMEDIATELY that I started feeling better...feeling like me! I even made my first solo trip yesterday! Today, I make my 2nd :)

Slowly but surely...almost 4 weeks after surgery, I think I am becoming me again!

Part 2

2012-02-01T08:32:00.000-05:00

So Saturday, the day after surgery is where things went down hill & bought me more time in the hospital.

My heartbeat got up over 100 beats a minute, my fever was spiking at 104. They thought maybe an infection, but once they were able to get blood from me, they saw that wasn't the case. Now, to get the blood was fun...all my veins were shot, so the only way they were able to get blood was with an ultrasound & using it to see to get blood from an artery in my groin (fun stuff I tell ya) So when the bloodwork came back, they figured then it was just my fever that was making things go faster...so Saturday & Sunday were focused on getting my fever down. The fever went down, but my heart rate stayed up...even leaving the hospital with a heart rate over 90.

I also had the majority of my tubes removed on Sunday & got up & walking. Let me just say having a GI tube taken from your nose is NOT FUN!

By Monday I was doing well enough that I got out of the special unit & was sent general. I was not happy with this, as I no longer had my own room with the nurses I had grown to like...but I knew it was a step in the right direction.

I had a few complications while in general...where my IVs were in my hands, my hands start ballooning up to where I couldnt move them, they were retaining major water. So all IVs had to be removed & moved to my 1 in my arm.

Tuesday came around & it did not look like I would be going home...so I just assumed Iwould be chilling in general for another day or so...pleasantly around 11 my Dr came in to say all bloodwork looked good & it was time to blow the joint!

Coming home was nice, however hard...my poor DH had to take off work to wait on me 24/7. But here I am a week of being home & he has been able to go back to work. I am up & moving a bit more. I had my post op yesterday, which was my first time out of the house & wore me out!! I was out for an hour & slept for 5.

My doctor is very pleased with how I am recooping...he did say that it would take another 2-3 weeks before my energy level went up...as not only did they recycle 4 pints of my blood, which is like giving 4 pints of blood, but also the spleen is a large blood holder...so I lost that blood too. I am now cleared to walk all I want & do stairs, which is nice since Ive ben stick in our basement! Then next week, if I feel like it, I can start driving short distances.

I have a couple outings planned for this weekend, so depending on how those go, I will try to possibly go to work a few hours next week & see how that goes.

Of course my biggest concern is now & always will be getting sick. The first 2 years after loosing my spleen will be my hardest; when I can get sick the easiest. My kidney & liver will take over a lot of the function of my spleen, but it takes a couple years...in the meantime I have to stay up to date on 3 special vaccines & at any sign of a cold or anything...it's off to the dr for me. This does cause me to worry a bit about starting to be around people again...but I have to & my body will build everything back up!

So that is probably about it! Thank you again everyone for you care & concern & good thoughts during all this!

A Spleen Free Life-part 1

2012-01-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

I will make this as short & sweet as possible. You are probably even lucky I do not remember it all.

So the morning of surgery we got up at 5:30 for my 6:30am arrival time. I honestly was calm, cool & collected until about 6:20 when we were almost to the hospital. Got to the hospital, checked in & got sent to get ready. Did all the fun stuff of undressing & whatnot...then they wheeled me to preop.

I had never been to this hospital before, so I assumed once I was in preop, they would get me ready & then call my DH back before I left...nope! We got off the elevator to go to preop & they told me to say my good byes to him. This did NOT sit well. I started crying like a baby. I got to preop & they 2 nurses were so sweet. I was trying to stop crying when they start telling me about a special IV that will be going in my neck & then a big needle one they needed to put in my hand. By this point, I'm acting like a baby, crying for my DH. They were soooo nice & went & got him to stay with me until the minute I went to the operating room.

I kept telling everyone I felt so stupid. I had had my fair share of surgeries & I was scared shitless of this one & couldn't stop crying...I hated it

The one nurse I guess must have asked if we had kids or something...because the next thing I know, we are talking about infertility & adoption. She was so nice about it & just calming...for once I would have rather talked about infertility than what was going on with me.

Once everything was ready & all IVs, tubes, etc in place...I was off. I remember going into the operating room & feeling like a circus show because there were so many people in there. Between how rare my case & the complications that could have happened...I think 1/2 the hospital was in that room. I remember starting to cry a bit once I was in the room & that was it until recovery.

I was in recovery a long time while I waited for a room in a special unit of the hospital. I remember fighting to open my eyes..but it was just so hard. I have no idea how long I was there or when I got to my room...but I remember waking up & seeing my husband.

I had tubes everywhere...from my nose, my stomach...a catheter. I do not remember much of Friday night & very little of Saturday...but Saturday is where things went a bit down hill.

I don't want to bore you with all this crap...so I will make this a 2 parter...

Short & Sweet

2012-01-26T13:24:00.001-05:00

I got home from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon & I can say it's soooo good to be home! I have slept more since I got home than the entire time at the hospital.

I still have a long road ahead of me & will type more about the surgery & everything when I have a bit more strength. But as always...thank you all again for all of your good thoughts!

Surgery Day

2012-01-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

Today my spleen goes to splenic heaven. As you read this, I am currently loosing my spleen. After 3 weeks of this surgery hanging over my head, we are getting this show on the road.

This is my first major, non IF related, surgery in 11 years...& it's been rough on me. I am glad that this will be done & over with & I can start my road to recovery. I will not have to worry about the mass rupturing or anything...so it is a huge sigh of relief.

I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days, then home for about 4 weeks...so I am sure you guys will be getting plenty of blog post from me!!

Wordless Wednesday-Smells Like Spleen Spirit

2012-01-18T07:01:00.000-05:00

(yes, this is what I will be wearing to the hospital on Friday)

Bloggers for Hope

2012-01-13T07:16:00.000-05:00

Hey guys!! Can you do me a favor today?! Go stop over at Bloggers for Hope & check out my first post!

As I mentioned last week, Bloggers for Hope is a group of amazing women & a man that are talking about all aspects of infertility. This site really has it all & I am so honored & proud to be apart of this new journey for Chance to Hope. All of us authors are here for you & always more than happy to answer any questions you may have, blog about aspects you would like to hear about etc.

As their resident adoption blogger, I would love to know...what do you want me to write about? What would you like to know??

If I Had a Good Title, I Would Put It Here

2012-01-08T20:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry I havent written lately...things have gone from crazy to crazier. After all the stuff with my spleen we then went to spend 8 days with the in-laws & go on a mini trip with them to celebrate the hubby & I's 30th birthdays. We went to Quebec, which was a lot of fun..I had never been to Canada in the winter though & wow is it cold. All my Canadian tweeples & blog readers, I admire you for dealing with that weather. I will never say it's cold here again!

It was nice to get away for a bit & not thinking of what is coming for me in the next few weeks. As soon as I saw the hospital where my surgery will be, I felt sick. I am getting used to the idea of this surgery; I am still not happy about it & I am still scared shitless to say the least. I did find out one of my close friends has been without his spleen since he was 13. I am not sure how I did not know this before, guess you really never ask your friends if they are san spleen or not. He has really put me at ease & seeing how he lives his life, etc...well, it is really helping.

I have a lot to do in the next week & a half to get everything ready at work & home, since I will live from my bed for 4 weeks. You would think with all the surgeries I have had I would be used to all this by now, but I am not. I think the more I have, the harder they get. The harder I am on myself for feeling like my body is letting me down.

But life goes on & it can always be worse. I am just ready to get on the mend & start our adoption process again...I am ready to be a healthy mom. I'm ready...

Hope In 2012

2012-01-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

First I want to wish you all a very happy 2012. I know so many of us had a crappy 2011 & I have so much hope that 2012 will be better for us.

Speaking of Hope, I am honored & proud to announce that I am now the adoption blogger for a Chance to Hopes blogger site!! Go check out Bloggers for Hope!! This site will have bloggers writing on everything from IVF, miscarriages; even a male perspective on infertility! The site really will have it all!

So please, go check it out! Bloggersforhope.com (sorry, typing from my phone & don't know how to do links) oh & did I mention there is a give away going on right now to help celebrate the launch?!

Health Follow Up

2011-12-27T19:11:00.000-05:00

Well, if you follow me on Twitter, you already know what is going on, but in case you don't here is the deal.

Since Thursday night at 5:30pm I have seen 2 doctors & a surgeon & it boils down to....my spleen will be coming out on January 20th.

Apparently I had a CatScan back in 2005 for something & a 1cm mass was seen on that test (guess it wasn't important enough to tell me) Fast forward to now & it is 9cm...so growing. I guess a lot of people are born with masses in their spleen, but they do not grow. Since mine is, out everything has to go. I guess this is VERY rare...so rare the doctor was all excited about it because he only does splenectomys because of car accidents. Let me tell you how amazing it feels to be "rare"

I am pretty upset about all this. I will be in the hospital 3-5 days & off work for up to 4 weeks. I will have a vertical cut from under my bra to the top of my belly...how does anyone ever fell ok about themselves with a scar like that?! Now I have my fair share of scars, but right in the middle of my stomach??

I will become more susceptible to infection once my spleen is taken out, so I have to have a special thing of vaccines every 10 years. I start my first round tomorrow..I then just have to pay attention & if I get any fever or can tell I am getting sick, I have to get to the dr. right away for antibiotics.

I am so thankful for my amazing DH..he is really my rock right now. Reminding me how much better this will all be once it's done. How we can make it through anything.

I am also very thankful for all the love & support on Twitter. I know I will be ok, I always am...but I am really getting tired of all of this. When do I get a break?!

From Our Family To Yours

2011-12-25T22:18:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah

Health

2011-12-23T12:16:00.000-05:00

I thought I had almost gotten through 2011 with only 1 surgery & nothing major going only I should have known better!!

Starting last Saturday & was getting these intense pains in my side..I mean I do not even know how to describe the pain. It put me in bed all day on Saturday. By Sunday I felt like somebody had just beat me on my side. Me being stubborn, I never took anything or let my DH take me to the hospital or anything. I just assumed it was bad endo or possibly kidney stones. By Monday I was feeling rough again, so I decided to go see Dr. Phonebook just in case. I really felt like I was 'giving in' by going to the doctor, but I am really glad I did.

Dr. Phonebook did an exam & really thought it was kidney stones, but sent me for an ultrasound & Cat Scan just to make sure. So yesterday morning I was off to the hospital for my test.

First it was harder than I thought going to the hospital because it was the first time I had been back since last year when I had the surgery that took my tube & ovary. But secondly, I knew it wasn't stones..nothing is ever that easy with me.

By last night I was back at Dr. Phonebook's for the results...I have a large, 9.1cm mass, on my spleen. It is benign, thank goodness & now I have to see what the plan of attack is.

I have an appointment today with my GP & then an surgeon next week. I am in shock. I never in a million years expected to have such a large mass or anything found. I was the idiot thinking I would just need a good 'yearly cleaning' because I had adhesions, endo, etc.

Whatever the plan of attack is, I plan on getting out of my funk & facing this all head on. This will NOT get the best of me! I refuse.

I will say I am tired of being sick, I am tired of all the problems...but Ill be damned if this gets me down!

Happy Birthday DH!!

2011-12-22T08:07:00.001-05:00

Today is my hubby's 30th! That means mine is just around the corner; scary!!

Anyway, I am so happy that we a) have the day off b) I get to celebrate this big birthday with him!!

I am so very lucky to have this amazing man in my life, I mean who else would spend their 30th birthday getting up early & taking his wife to the hospital for test?! I look forward to spending our 30s together (hopefully not with a lot of time at the hospital) & all it has in store for us!

Happy Birthday hun, I love you so very much!!

Not Sure What to Call This One :D

2011-12-15T14:57:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much to say lately...so I apologize! Work is slowing down & I am finally getting my life back...slowly but surely!

I cannot believe Christmas is next week...wasn't it just New Years 2011?! How did we get here?? This year has been a whirlwind, that is for sure. But it is crazy for me to think that if we had accepted Baby M's referral, I would be celebrating these holidays as a mom. I would be somebody's Santa...it would all be different.

I am happy with where we are & that we will be starting our new domestic journey in 2012...but still bittersweet for me :( I can only hope that Baby M is in a good home these holidays, being showered with gifts!!

Sorry I don't have much to say now..Im kinda boring, so Ill end by sharing a random holiday fact about my family. My little family, the DH, Kiso & I have stockings that are high heels! I love my high heel stockings. Every year I hang them from the mantle & admire ;) I bought these when I was single & they have just stuck...however, I did promise the DH with a baby the high heel stockings will go!

What is something unique and/or fun that your family does or decorates with the holidays?!

1 Year Later

2011-12-09T04:33:00.001-05:00

-Today marks 1 year since the surgery that took my left ovary and tube
-Today marks 1 year since I think any true hope of having a biological child left my mind
-Today marks 1 year, 1 WHOLE year, since I have had any surgery in that 'down there' female department! (I cannot even remember the last time I went this long without a surgery)
-Today marks 1 year since I started getting my life back
-Today marks 1 year since I started feeling human again
-Today marks 1 year since I began to understand what women meant when they said they 'felt empty'
-Today marks a year of ups and downs...a year of new beginnings and old endings
-Today marks the start of a new year...year 2 since my surgery, a year with so many possibilities

(Kinda) Wordless Wednesday-Surprise

2011-12-07T05:30:00.000-05:00

Watch for a surprise that I have in store for you in January :)

Day 30 (Last Day)

2011-11-30T05:01:00.000-05:00

Today, the last day of my Thankful 30, I am thankful that 1 month from today I will be enjoying the snow with my hubby for our 30th birthdays!

29th Day

2011-11-29T04:51:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for the opportunities that my blogging & tweeting have brought me. I could have never imagined that when I started this blog that I would have had the change to write for a magazine & will be writing for a great nonprofit here soon. I am so happy I get to share our story & hopefully help others.

Thankful On This 28th Day

2011-11-28T05:46:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for the back surgery I had almost 11 years ago that gave me my life back. I was young when I started having problems & it took me almost 3 years to find a doctor that would finally listen to me. For him, I am also thankful.

Football

2011-11-27T05:06:00.000-05:00

Today, I am thankful for fall football!! I also hope to be thankful this afternoon when I watch my football team beat my husbands (in person!)

Day 26

2011-11-26T05:05:00.001-05:00

I am happy & thankful that today my hubby will be home from his family reunion!

Black Friday Sleep

2011-11-25T06:11:00.000-05:00

I am happy & thankful I got to sleep in today! I don't do black Friday shopping & I don't work anywhere that does the sales...so YAY, sleep!!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:55:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I am happy that today is a day I get off from work to rest & spend with my family (even though my DH isn't here :( )

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Wordless Wednesday-Thankful Day 23

2011-11-23T07:08:00.001-05:00

Dance

2011-11-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

Today, I am thankful that my body is allowing me to dance again. After 10 years, it feels soooo good to be back in a studio & working towards a performance in June.