Growing up the holidays were never that big of a deal. Work was so busy, we had so many birthdays & anniversaries to go along with them as well...in the span of 2 weeks we have my grandparents anniversary, my dad's birthday, Christmas, my birthday, my grandma's birthday and New Years. So when my husband came along & his birthday was the same day as my grandparents anniversary..it only made sense to add it to our crazy mix. Then we found A & well..his birthday too is in the mix, so why not!!
So with all of the happenings, everything really was never special...too much going on to make everything special. To me, the holidays are just a few days off in the craziness that I can finally relax & catch up on sleep. This year however, this year is totally different.
I get teary just writing this. It's hard...it's so hard not having our little man home with us. Our first Christmas since becoming parents & he is not here with us. He will also be turning 3 & we will not be there to celebrate with him.
For a time of year that normally just meant craziness to me, it has a whole new meaning & damnit, that meaning is making it hard for me. I cannot wait to have him home & make the holidays different than they ever were for me. I want everything to be magical...special, not crazy. I am so giddy about the holidays next year...but until then, I will cry. I will be sad he isnt here.