Saturday, November 17, 2012

To Child Free Or Not To Child Free...That Is The Question

My great aunt & uncle had been married 63 years. The were one of the most vivacious, out going couples you would ever meet. This was the couple that for their honeymoon drove 8 days to Miami, so they could catch a plane to Cuba. The owned over 20 classic cars that were their lives. They loved to work on them, take them to car shows, just drive around in a Model-T.

For 63 years they could travel and own all these cars and go wherever whenever they wanted...why, because they had no kids.

4 weeks ago, they were at a car show. She turned in front of somebody..it actually was a pretty minor accident, but here we are 4 weeks later and we are burying him today. She kept telling me how it all felt like a bad dream, like she would wake up & he would be there.

As I sat at the funeral home last night and watched a video that was made about his life, I saw all their adventures. I saw the love that they had for each other...the love I saw between then even at my brother's wedding in August.

As I sat there as others watched the video. I heard things like 'they got to go to all these places because they did not have kids' or 'they had all those cars because ether could afford things like that because they had no kids.'

Then I heard those that talked about how awful it was that she was all alone. After 63 years of just him & her & now she would be all alone....because she had no kids.

As I hear all these things, I cannot help but wonder if this is what people would say about the DH & I in 60 years....would we be this couple in 60 years or would we have our children to lean on?

I wish there was a clear cut path of us...the path to kids or the path to child free. I guess last night made me think about it all more....

Monday, November 12, 2012

Good Bye Nursery

"This doesn't mean the end, this just means a different path." These were the words from my husband as I could not stop crying after telling a special couple we would be giving them all the items from our nursery.

I wanted to give the things to them, nobody was forcing me to. I did it on my own, nobody made me...but wow, I was not expecting to have it hurt so much. I have lived this almost past year not really thinking about IF that much. My health has not allowed me the time to think about not being able to have a child, to think about adoption..none of it, as I have been a bit preoccupied.

This past year I also have only stepped foot in the nursery 1 time. The door stays shut to the room & honestly, I forget it is even there.

When I found out my brother's best friend, who is like a little brother to me, would be a dad, I knew it was time to clean out our nursery.

I know the chances of us having a baby are very slim. I know that if we do adopt, it will be an older child, so the crib we bought, the glider, etc...none of it will be needed.

So, within the next 2 weeks, I will be packing everything up & giving it away. I have already spent my time crying, so I am hoping I can do this without crying again.

I know I will be ok, I know life goes on & this is the right thing for us right now...if something happens, we can always buy new stuff..but it is needed somewhere else right now.
 
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