Tuesday, August 14, 2012

6 months

The 10th was 6 months since my PE diagnoses. I thought I would only be on the blood thinners for 6 months, but sadly, now I am on for a year. Oh well, there could be worse things.

It has taken me 6 months to realize I am not ok though. I thought I could handle my PTSD & everything that came along with this traumatic experience on my own, but I cannot. My anxiety is getting bad..I am scared of a lot of things I was never scared about before getting sick. I am worried about coming off the blood thinners (even though I cannot wait to be off), I am worried about a lot to be honest.

I have decided to go to therapy. I need somebody to help me through this. I feel like a failure not being able to deal with this on my own. I am stubborn & have been fighting therapy...I kept telling myself I could do this. But also along with the 'being sick, could have died' part of therapy...I think it will be good to talk to somebody about adoption & all the things running through my head about that.

6 months ago my life forever changed. I am not the same as I was when I turned 30 on the 6th day of this year. I am a stronger, better person (at least I think) but I have a lot of issues I need to deal with to keep getting better...to keep getting stronger.

So I have a few numbers of therapist & will be making calls towards the end of this week.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Still Here

Hi! Yep, I am still here...I don't have tons to say right now. Getting healthier each day when it comes to my spleen removal & PEs...but sadly, I have had setbacks in other areas.

I found a lump in my right breast the other night. It is not far from where the previous lump was removed. I am pretty sure that it is the same as the other one, but now to start the watch...as I will not have it removed until I am off my blood thinners.

I hope everyone is doing alright. Ive been trying to follow blogs as I can & I tweet still...but sometimes I just do not feel like I fit in the majority of the time when it comes to IF. I am stuck in a limbo spot...but I know this will get better & things will fall back in place...
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