Thursday, March 29, 2012

I'm Not Crazy

Im not crazy!! I recently read an article about recovering after PEs & I have to say..it's so nice to know that what is going on in my head is not uncommon!

Everything that has happened to me has changed me. I am not who I was on January 19th, the day before I went in for surgery to have my spleen removed. I am not the same per on I was on February 8th, the day before I was admitted to the hospital for my PEs. This has all changed me. Once it hit me that 'wow, I could have died' everything changed!

I mentally have been dealing with a lot. For those of you that do not follow me on Twitter..my grandmother ended up in the hospital a few weeks after me with a massive PE & leg clot. She was at the same hospital, on the same floor...cue PTSD! I thought I was just loosing it, I thought I just couldn't handle what happened to me...especially when I was staring it in the face a few weeks later. Going back to that hospital sent me into a panic. I remember driving to the hospital & telling myself I needed to pull it together, I was acting like a fool! I now see I wasn't nuts...which is so nice!

I constantly worry the clots will come back. I know that with the blood thinners the chances of this happening are pretty much nada..but the scare is still there.

Im dealing with so much still, both mentally & physically. Tomorrow will be 10 weeks since surgery & 7 weeks since the PEs. I look forward to getting myself back..but I know that girl 10 weeks ago is forever changed.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I Am

Suzy did this & even though I am on a blogging break right now, I thought it was appropriate at this time


I am… extremely tired after my first full day at work yesterday

I know… that life goes on & has amazing things in store for me


I want… feel 100% again

I wish… I did not go through everything I did the past couple of months or that myself or anyone had to deal with infertility

I fear… not making the right decision & regretting in later in life

I feel… stronger & fragile all at the same time

I smell… my puppy

I hear… Courtney's yucky voice on the Bachelor because I'm watching last nights show on DVR

I wonder… If I can truly handle working full time in 2 weeks

I believe… that everything happens for a reason

I sing… in my car, even though I am a terrible singer

I cried last… a few weeks ago when I was just so tired of everything

I can usually be found… with my 2 favorite boys in the world!

I am happy… at the thought that I get to travel for the first time since the surgery next week & meet an amazing lady from Twitter/blog world!!
 
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