Saturday, November 17, 2012

To Child Free Or Not To Child Free...That Is The Question

My great aunt & uncle had been married 63 years. The were one of the most vivacious, out going couples you would ever meet. This was the couple that for their honeymoon drove 8 days to Miami, so they could catch a plane to Cuba. The owned over 20 classic cars that were their lives. They loved to work on them, take them to car shows, just drive around in a Model-T.

For 63 years they could travel and own all these cars and go wherever whenever they wanted...why, because they had no kids.

4 weeks ago, they were at a car show. She turned in front of actually was a pretty minor accident, but here we are 4 weeks later and we are burying him today. She kept telling me how it all felt like a bad dream, like she would wake up & he would be there.

As I sat at the funeral home last night and watched a video that was made about his life, I saw all their adventures. I saw the love that they had for each other...the love I saw between then even at my brother's wedding in August.

As I sat there as others watched the video. I heard things like 'they got to go to all these places because they did not have kids' or 'they had all those cars because ether could afford things like that because they had no kids.'

Then I heard those that talked about how awful it was that she was all alone. After 63 years of just him & her & now she would be all alone....because she had no kids.

As I hear all these things, I cannot help but wonder if this is what people would say about the DH & I in 60 years....would we be this couple in 60 years or would we have our children to lean on?

I wish there was a clear cut path of us...the path to kids or the path to child free. I guess last night made me think about it all more....


  1. We had those exact same thoughts when we decided to live child-free. But then my mom and I started talking and she asked me: "When I get old and go live in a nursing home, are you going to be visiting me every day, every week or even every month?". The answer was no of course. She lives 16 hours away in Georgia and we don't have this super-close mother/daughter relationship. So even if you have kids there's no guarantee you won't be alone after your husband dies. You have to be okay with the concept of being old and alone, whether you have kids or not. And hopefully that won't be a factor when you make your decision.

  2. Hey lady. Sorry to hear about your great-uncle. No advice here, but understand what you are going through. We wrestled with the decision about children for the first 20 years of our marriage. Yes, 20 YEARS. We finally decided to move forward and adopted 1 1/2 years ago and have been happy. But truth told, it's tough and I miss much about our child-free life. Some of us just ride the middle line when it comes to this decision.

  3. This is a conversation I've had with myself so many times trying to decide if IVF, adoption or none of the above are the right choices for us. It is not such an easy decision. I just found your blog today and catching up on your journey. So glad to find you...your writing is real and thought provoking.


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