Thursday, May 10, 2012

From 2 to More

How do you do it? How do you go from a family of 2, well really I guess 2.5 if you count Kiso, to a family of more? How does this work after it's just been the 2 of you for so long. I know so many couples do it, they do it everyday...but honestly it worries me.

I like us. I like the routine we have & how things have really seemed to fall into place with us over the last year. I know a lot of people would say crap, you've only been married 4's not a long time & when a baby comes along it will only get better...but then again, 4 years is a long time to just be us.

I don't want to loose us in the adoption process again. I feel like our lives become nothing but adoption related...all the what ifs & whens?

But how do you do it? How do you go from 2 to more? I really need to hear stories as we get closer to our homestudy being renewed, I have so many questions. So many things to think about...when it comes to adoption, I feel so lost. I keep thinking if I could get pregnant like a 'normal' woman, then I wouldnt have all this time to think..which means I would probably be a mom by now.


  1. If you figure it out let me know! LOL! I am struggling with that and have been since E was born 10 months ago. Because we never only wanted one child we never felt like we "crossed over" when we had E. We are right back in it dealing with IF and now whether to even pursue adoption via the Korea program (its changed tremendously in the last 12 months). I thought I'd have a reprieve from my IF feelings after having one, but I really didn't. Mostly because we don't want to be one and done.

  2. I wish I had the answers. Instead, I just have the same questions. <3

  3. We debated some very similar concerns before we decided to jump to DEIVF. The only thing I can tell you is that we realized that if we could go through the trauma and stress of years of IF treatments and STILL like "us" (which we DO)... then we really didn't have much to worry about with adding offspring to the mix.

    I actually wrote an entire post about having had too much time to think about this. You are SO not alone with this fear, but I'm sorry you're having it too.

  4. Yes! I know this fear! We were married 18 years when we decided to have a family and celebrated our 20th anniversary about 6 months after bringing our son home. It's not the conventional way of doing things, and I wondered if the adjustment would be difficult. Yes, it has been, but not all bad. I miss the alone time with my husband. Miss the slower, selfish pace of our lives. Miss alone time. But we got a lot in exchange for all that. I probably wouldn't suggest that people wait until their 40s to become parents because you are pretty accustomed to a very different way of life. But the changes have been welcome for us. The thing is, you are going to wonder/worry about how a child will impact your relationship. And likely, it will have some downsides. But there are plenty of upsides too and it all has a way of evening out.

  5. I have no idea. We were just "the two of us" for 12 years, 10 years married before our daughter came (via DIA). There seems to be a honeymoon period at first. But ours didn't last long. Then the following month or so was awful. We didn't know how to adjust. I think we were mourning our together time. I seriously wasn't sure that our marriage would survive it (and it had survived IF). But eventually we've become more comfortable with our new normal. It is very hard. Nobody tells you that either. I'm glad that your blogging about it, because it did not occur to me before hand that it would be so difficult on our relationship. I don't know how it works, but it eventually does.


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