Monday, May 14, 2012

Extra, Extra...Read All About It!

THE News....the news you guys have all been waiting to hear :)

Well...let me start by saying the love & support I have received this year through being sick & deciding what we were going to do about adoption has been more than I could have ever imagined.

I was scared to say that we were thinking of living childfree. I was scared of letting people know how I felt & how unsure of things I was feeling & once again, you all have been there!

After getting sick a lot changed for me...it's amazing how when you are staring death in the eyes, it puts a lot in perspective. I no longer worried so much about my infertility...I was more worried about getting & staying healthy...adoption became a speck on my radar. I hate to say that because I feel like it makes me sound like a terrible person.

As we got closer to our homestudy date...the more unsure of everything I got. It was like the big elephant in the room that I was unable to ignore, I had to do something..I just wasnt sure what!

Now my husband has been on call for jury duty all month & has to call every Friday evening. When he called Friday night he found out he was to come in...he didnt have to come today, but tomorrow...the day that was supposed to be our homestudy renewal. This was the sign I needed. I knew that I was canceling the homestudy....

Yep, that is right, I canceled our renewal. I know we will have to start all over if/when we decide to start back up with adoption, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

After more soul searching & talking with the DH we made further decisions. He has always been ok with adopting an older child but I was very dead set on getting a baby. I felt that if I could not have my own baby, I at least wanted to try to adopt the youngest child I could. Now remember how I said things change when you almost die?! Well, this was one of them. The more I thought about it, the more I thought an older child was a MUCH better option for us. We have decided that in a year or 2 if/when we start back up, we will be adopting a waiting/older child. Both my DH & I have family members that were adopted when they were older (14 & 17) & have gone on to have amazing lives & the more I got thinking about it..the older/waiting child deserve a chance, just like the infants. I no longer feel the need for an infant or know if I could even physically handle it.

I think an older child in the long run is better fit for us. I went into what will be our child's room the other night and started to clean out the baby stuff...it felt great. I will be sending things to friends and donating others to women's shelters. I am hoping that when we adopt the child will be 3-6 years old, so no need for the baby stuff & that is ok with me.

My DH & I have talked & talked about this all weekend & feel more at peace with this decision than we have this entire journey. I know this adoption path has been an extremely bumpy road for us, but that is ok..I am ok...I will be ok!

No matter if this all happens in a year or 2 or if it doesnt, I will be ok..my marriage will be ok.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for the post- it sure helps with me thinking about adoption, especially with older children. I had recently found out that one can adopt foster children, can't believe how SO many foster children want to be adopted, waiting and waiting..recently I read an article by an adoptee who said she had been through foster homes for most of her life-and finally was adopted by a couple when she was 17- she is very happy and has a good life ever since... So I'm holding that for later when I'm ready.
    You're right you'll be okay. :)

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  2. You are truly one of the most awesome people I know. Brave, fun, caring, honest, and absolutely, wonderfully authentic -- all things that I admire in you so very much. If a blog comment could be a hug - this one is hugging you to bits. No matter where the next two years or so takes you- know I'm cheering you on all the way. (Though can I vote for an outlet mall visit together in those two years!?!)

    And speaking as one who did adopt older children - should that feel like the path you both want to take in time, know that it is a great adventure and a true blessing.

    Love to you xoxo

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  3. I just found your blog and I wanted to send you a ton of support and hugs. I felt your relief through reading this post and could not be happier for you and your dh that you have some peace of mind. What a strong woman you are!

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  4. I'm so glad to read that you have found some peace with your decision. I can only imagine how stressful your journey has been. I'll send lots of #hope that this path leads you to your child(ren). :)

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