Thursday, July 28, 2011

Console

So I thought I was going to have to console my OB's new nurse tonight!

She is a newbie & when I met her last visit back in June, I introduced myself, explained she would see me a lot & that I looked forward to getting to know her! Apparently she thought I was kidding!

Tonight when I got to the OB the first thing I did was a lovely pregnancy test. The nice new nurse took me back in the exam room as she let the test do it's thing. Now, after you have seen 25,000 negatives, another does not phase you; it's just the way it is.

This poor girl looked like she was gonna cry! She gave me the puppy dog eyes & kept looking at the test, like she was waiting to see that 2nd line. She finally looked at me, looked down, & shook her head no. She told me how sorry she was. She then kept looking at the test...like that line was just going to appear!

I joked with her, to let her know I would be ok...at that time she asked, if we had kids &when I said no, then wanted to know if we wanted kids. I had to give her the 5min run down on the last 10 years of my life...poor girl looked like I ran over her puppy!

Something wrong when I become so used to this, I am the one consoling the nurse!

Once that was over with..here came Dr. Phonebook. He just looked so defeated! Again, he apologized...he then felt that he was missing a puzzle piece...possibly he needed to look at more. He started going back through ALL my records...things just don't add up (story of my life)

I had my last round of test in late May, which led to my estrogen shot in June, 6 months to the day of my surgery. Now that I have had the shot & no AF since May...back for more bloodwork. He is really starting to think I am premenopausal. Everything my body says points to that...but my bloodwork doesn't point to it 100%....so I will go get more bloodwork, in the meantime, he will keep going over my records & looking into things & then I will go back in 4 weeks...until then, has anyone been diagnosed with premenopause?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Angel Wings

My great grandmother passed today. She lived a long, amazing life & was ready to go at the age of 90.

I have been so blessed in my almost 30 years, as I have had 4 great grandparents be part of my life, along with all 4 of my grandparents & 6 amazing great aunts & uncles. How many people can say that?!

My great grandmother that passed away today was actually my step great grandma, but it never felt that way.

She has an amazing story & I really wanted to share it with you guys.

M was born blind. 90 years ago a lot of families would have put their child in a home & never looked back. Not only was she blind, so were all the siblings that came after her. When M was about 8 her parents put her on a bus & sent her to a school for the blind, 2 hours away from home. I cannot even imagine, but she did it & loved it! She came back that summer after her first year & begged her parents to send all the other siblings back with her the following year, as she knew this would be the chance to give them the education they deserved. It is so amazing to me how "ahead of their time" her parents were & how awesome that all the children were able to be educated, despite their disability.

At the age of 14 my great grandfather met M & they were married. My grandfather & his brother were both with their father & in came M. My grandfather was 10 years younger than his brother, so by the time M joined the family, my great uncle was in the army & never was really around her. My grandfather on the other hand was so blessed to have his M as his step mother. My grandfather & great uncle had a VERY rough childhood, as their father was very abusive to them. When M came to the family, she was able to protect my grandfather. She made sure he had manners & went to school, she made sure my great grandfather would stay away from him. Because of M my grandfather is one of the most kind, caring, gentle men you will ever meet.

It was always so funny to see how different my grandfather was from his brother. His brother was gone when M married their father, therefore he never got the "polishing" my grandfather got. Both boys loved their step mother deary!

Because of M, my grandfather wanted to better himself & pass that along to his family..I truly have so much to be thankful for when it comes to her. If she had not helped my grandfather, my life could have been so very different.

M never let her blindness stop her from anything! But because of it, she had the memory of a tack! I was always so amazed by what she could do by her sense of smell, hearing, etc. No matter how many years could go by & I had not see her, as soon as she heard my voice, she knew it was me. She even knew there was going to be an LP & would ask my grandfather about LP when they talked on the phone.

She was a spit fire & I will end my story about her on a funny note that makes me smile every time I think of it.

M liked her liquor & she liked it STRONG. The more hair it could grow on your chest, the better she liked it. One day when my great uncle went to visit her at the nursing home, she asked him to take her to the liquor store, which of course was a big no no. So off they went..him on his walker, leading the blind lady! (can you imagine what the shop worker thought?!) I chuckle when I think of this...because this just shows how no matter how big or small the task, she was always up for it.

I can only hope that one day LP can look back on my grandparents, their great grandparents, with fond memories such as me. I have such special memories with all of my 4 great grandparents & have truly been so blessed to have them in my life.

Wordless Wednesday-New Beginnings Wanted

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Spelling

This blog may sound bitchy & I am sorry for that..I will go ahead & apologize before I start! I am not writing this to sound rude...rather, educate!

C-o-l-O-m-b-i-a

Yep, that is how you spell it..COLOMBIA. There is no U in the spelling of the country. When you put a U in place of the 2nd O, you are now talking about the clothing store.

More than anything it irks me that my family spells it wrong. I have tried multiple times to make it noted, in a nice way, but I do not know what to do anymore. I feel it is important to know how to spell the name of the country that LP will be from. I feel that if your new grandchild, great grandchild, etc will be from this country, the least you can do is learn how to spell it!

Please, no more U's! Only O's!! Say it with me...U equals shopping, O equals LP!!

So please, please, please...Spell It Right! It really does bother me when you don't :D

Thursday, July 21, 2011

ICLW-July



Welcome!! I decided to do something a be different this ICLW......Speed Dating!

Here is me in 60 seconds or less.

Q: Pets
A: A Yorkie, Kiso

Q: Favorite dessert
A: It's a tie between Creme Brulee & Tiramisu

Q: Married
A: 3.5 yrs

Q: Major
A: Communications

Q: Do you use your degree
A: I talk everyday...so I guess you could say so :D

Q: How would you spend 1 million dollars
A: Pay off my mortgage, buy a Jeep Wrangler, donate some and invest the rest

Q: Quirky thing about me
A: I have full conversations in my "semi-sleep/awakeness" (as my DH calls it) with my husband & never remember them

Q: Dream job
A: Dermatologist

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Punished?

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel like we are being punished for turning down Baby M & have kind of been pushed to the bottom of the list.

To say I was heart broken today is an understatement. When I heard we more than likely would not have a referral for LP until next year, October if we were lucky, I felt like a dagger wen through my heart. I have just had it in my head that LP would be home by Christmas. We were told a 9-12 month wait was normal, closer to the shorter side once we were offically on the list...so the holidays seemed so right & perfect. But noooo!

I know they are giving referrals, I know there was even an infant referred this month. So why not us?! We were told turning M down would not hurt us & would not put us at the bottom of the list, but it sure feels that way to me. If turning down M wasn't hard enough & something I still deal with...now this.

I could be wrong, I do not know if we are at the bottom, but we aren't at the top! I knew this wait would be hard, I knew it would not happen fast, but I just didn't realize how hard. It could be worse, this I know. I am lucky, we are on the list...we know LP will be coming. I guess, after Baby M, & hearing we could have gotten a referral as soon as the end of the same month (May) I got hopeful....I should have known better.

I know once LP is here, I will forget about all this & it will mean nothing. I just wish that time would hurry up & get here!

Wordless Wednesday-Zen

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out

This makes me nervous to say, but it is true!

I am ok with never having biological children. Yep, I said it. I am ok with it! I do not feel like I am missing out on anything, I do not wish to be pregnant; long to be pregnant. I do not get sad that I will not feel a child kick me while they grow, I do not feel I like I am missing out.

LP is my child, I have no doubt about it. LP did not have to grow in me to be my child. When it boils down to it, I am not mad at infertility for making it to where the DH & I cannot have biological children....this was the path we were meant to be on.

I am ok with it all!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Colombian Song & Dance

The Smithsonian us having a fork festival & 1 of the 3 booths is Colombia. The DH & I have so enjoyed this! Here is some song & dance & I must say it made me teary to see how they loved theie culture so & how much I cannot wait for LP
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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Monday, July 4, 2011

Ugh

I am starting to feel better...a bit more like me. Last week was ROUGH! I am not sure what my deal was. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, I felt like everything was crumbling around me. I was and am tired of waiting. I am stressed at work. I hate what infertility has done to me. I feel alone. All this hit at once.

My mom was great enough to recognize all this & see I needed to step away...therefore my DH & I will be getting away for a long weekend this week,  thanks to my parents.

I know it will be ok, it always is. I know I will feel better, I know I can do this...
 
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