Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wordless Wednesday-Pool

If you need me today, I'll be around this pool!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Packed & Ready!

I really do not pack like this, I'm almost a freakishly a very light packer! But how can you say no to a cute picture like this?

Enough about my packing abilities though! As you read this, I am going on my yearly big vacation. I know I wrote last year about how I felt that was going to be our last vacation as a family of 2, but here we go again, as a family of 2.

I even booked this trip with our "maybe baby," try explaining that to a travel agent as you make your reservation! But alas, it's just the DH & I. It's ok, because I know as we go this year, that I can honestly say when I book next years trip, it WILL be for 3!!!

I am so excited to show the world to LP & travel with him/her. I want to write a post next spring about how I got a little bathing suit for LP & we have all the goodies packed! I am excited for our yearly vacation being seen through our child's eyes.

Until then, I plan on going on this vacation...resting, not worrying about getting THE CALL, & doing a lot of nothing!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011


When I was out to lunch today with Miss Ohkay we got talking about how we started blogging & how we ended up on Twitter....always interesting to hear others stories & brought them to this route!

But then we got talking about what amazing friendships this has all brought us.

2 years ago (wow!) when I started on Twitter & then blogging shortly after, I never knew how it would change my life. When I started all this, it was strictly for me. I needed a place to vent & get out what I didn't feel those around me would understand. I was the only one out of all my friends & family dealing with infertility & I just needed somebody to "listen" that understood & 'got it.'

I would have never dreamt that all this would turn into so much more. Not only did I find people that would listen & understand. I found some of the most amazing women (& a few men) that have completely changed my life.

I remember Dr. Phonebook telling me to join a support group after the DH's azoo diagnoses & I told him I didn't think I needed one, I thought I had found out on line...little did I know!

Some of my closest friends are you lovely bloggers & twitter gals. I am so lucky that the internet is here for this journey & was able to bring some strong, courageous, amazing people into my life.

I never thought this is were my blogging & tweeting would land me....but man am I glad!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wordless Wednesday-This Chick Says Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my amazing brother! We have so much to celebrate today!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Speaking of my Little Man

Just a cute video of him playing
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No Title....

Thank you everyone for the love, comforting & understanding on my last post. It was so nice to hear that I am not the only mom to be that worries & thinks about these kinds of things.

I know how I was the night before I brought Kiso home! I couldn't sleep, I was freaking out. I was a "single mommy" & having him was going to change my life. I wasn't going to be able to just up & go like I had in the past, I was going to have this little man to take care of.

Now, I know this may sound funny, why was I freaking so much about a dog..but this was big for me.

I look at him & I am totally in love! I cannot imagine my life without him & if I am this way with a dog, I have no doubt that from the moment I see LP I will be heads over heels. I know my life will change, I have no doubt, but I know for the better. I know the DH & I will grow as a couple, as parents & move on to the next part of our lives....but yes, it is scary.

But thank you for letting me know I am not alone!!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Just the 2 of Us

I am used to it just being the DH & I. I like what we have & how we live our lives. I enjoy when we get to sleep in on weekends & how we can walk around the house in whatever we want...because it's just the 2 of us.

I like how we work & how we have our "routine." I know this is all going to change & I can't lie...I am a bit scared.

What will happen to us? I know our lives will never be the same & I am both extremely excited & scared to death about that.

I know we can do ANYTHING that is put in front of us, we have already proved that in so many parenthood may actually be one of the easiest.

I feel bad saying all this & I already love LP to death, do not get me wrong..but sometimes I wonder...what would it have been like if we lived child free? What if it were always the 2 of us? Would I freak because I wanted to be a mom?

Everyone that I have shared this with says it's that true? Did you ever wonder before you became a parent? Sometimes I wonder if it is because it's been harder for us to become parents & there was that thought we may never have a little one?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wordless Wednesday #2

I'm jumping for joy!! My brother is cancer free!!!!! He will continue being monitored, but the words CANCER FREE were amazing to hear. Thank you all so much for EVERYTHING!

Wordless Wednesday

I don't even know what to title this one. I am not a prayer...but today, anyone that listens to me, I'm talking...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Baby Shower

After much thought & consideration the DH & I decide to go ahead & let me BFF throw our shower before we even have our referral. Who knows, maybe we will have one by the time the shower comes.

We went back & forth on when to do the shower. Do we do it before we got get LP, do we do it before referral, do we wait til we come home & let people meet LP at the shower?

There were so many reasons why each situation would be better than another, but when it came down to it, we decided to do it now.

The shower will actually be the first weekend in May & will be a coed party. A party to celebrate Colombian culture & LP joining our family.

I talked to a lot of adoptive parents about when they did their shower & when it came down to it, they said to do it whenever was best for us. So why did we decide to do it now?

We felt by doing it now, there would be no rushing around & trying to fit it in before travel, after referral.  We knew we would have a lot of people traveling in & also felt it was better to give them more time. We also thought that having a party after LP was home could be a bit overwhelming for our little one & I have read a lot about not wanting to have too many people around right after you come home with your baby.

So that is why! So May 8th we will be having our baby shower...I cannot believe this. I cannot believe WE are having a baby shower. It seems so surreal & when working with the BFF the other day & going over things, I was brought to tears....this was real! This was really for us, I am getting my baby shower.

Now to only figure out where we will be putting!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Emptiness, The Buddhist Way...

I do not like to talk about religions or anything like that much on here, as I feel to each their own; however I found this extremely interesting & felt a lot of you may be able to relate to this.

When I went to Reiki the other night, she began by asking me questions. You know the typical, tell me about your surgeries, complications, etc. Then she asked me something nobody has ever really asked. She asked me to stop thinking for a moment & go into my consciousness & say the first thing that comes up about my surgery in December where I had my ovary removed.

I have mentioned it on here before & it comes back to this...I feel empty.

She asked me to elaborate & I explained it wasn't a bad thing to me, I felt this emptiness was a new beginning for me; as if my life had been handed back to me & this emptiness paved a new way for me.

She found this all very interesting, as this is one of the biggest Buddhist philosophies. As much as I try to follow the Buddhist ways, I am still learning, so I wanted to read up on this more.

I stumbled a crossed this very interesting site online. "Form is emptiness; emptiness is form" This statement hit home to me.

As I continued to read on I got it, I understood why I didn't mourn this emptiness I felt, but rather celebrated it. "Emptiness must not be confused with nothingness. Emptiness is not non-existence and it is not non-reality."

Even though I have nothing remaining on my left side; no ovary, no tube, I am not sad. I do not feel as though I have nothing for me left. This was a big loss physically, but emotionally this emptiness has made me better, more at peace. 

I am hoping this makes sense? Can you feel empty & at peace? Can you not mourn such an important loss, but more embrace it & thank your body for healing & giving you your life back? Because I sure think I can!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

High Hopes & Expectations

I feel like everyone has high hopes & high expectations of what our referral will be like. It seems like we have so many friends & family that keep telling us they have had dreams about it & how exciting & overwhelming it was for them.

I love to see the excitement everyone has for us. I love to hear about the dreams they have about us getting LP, but what if it's not all everyone thought?!

What if it isn't this big dramatic thing for them & they aren't as excited for us in real life as they are in their dreams? I know this sounds stupid, but it's something the DH & I have actually talked about.

Did any of you other adopters go through anything like this?
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