Sunday, January 30, 2011

Please Wait

Just like when you try to call anywhere & you hear, please wait...that is where my life is right now. One big, please wait!

It's hard not to know when we will get the call about LP, it is hard not to know how to plan for future things this year, because can we go? Can we do this or that? Will they call about LP?

So officially, I feel like we are just waiting...waiting & wishing.

It's hard to believe that we have been on this journey for over 2 years at this point. So we have been doing a lot of waiting up to this point. Wait to find an agency, wait to do our homestudy, wait for paperwork to be okay'ed, etc. But now, here we are, in one of the hardest waits.

Do I think this will be the hardest wait we will have still? Oh no! I think the worst wait will be once LP has a face, a name....& we are waiting to go to Colombia.

What did you do to pass time during the wait? Did you still go on trips or not? We are going on our cruise in March, but that is it, anything else makes me nervous! Advice is welcomed!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

My Awards


I feel so honored! Look at these amazing awards I have been given. I want to thank Jessica at A Greater Yes & Jessica at Adventures in Baby Making for the Stylish Blogger Award, Lori from Love, Life & Infertility for the I ♥ This Blog Away & Kat at  Trying to Make 3 for The Versatile Blogger. Thank you to all 4 of you for honoring me with these. 

Since with all 3 of these awards, I do the same thing, I will answer the questions just in 1 blog. Then the lovely ladies that I pass this on to, consider yourself given the 3 of these from me!

Here is how the award works:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers.
4. Make sure you contact these bloggers to make them aware of the award!

7 Things About Me
* My knees & elbows are double jointed
* I have the smallest sneeze in the world, I mean most of the time people don't realize that I even sneezed.
* I changed my major 4 times in college & still finished in 4 years!
* I refuse to share my walk in closet with my husband & make him use a closet in another room down the hall
* Even though I am not tall, I do not wear high heels
* I have not worn shorts (outside of my house) in over 10 years...I just don't like how I look in them
* I hate lipstick

15 Blogs That I Nominate (in no particular order)



Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

Doing Cartwheels Here!

If I could do cartwheels this would be right now!!! It's official, we got the most beautiful piece of paper in the mail today....we got our I800A approval letter from Homeland Security. This was it, this was the last thing we needed. Now, at any point they can call & say there is a baby for us...our LP

Friday, January 21, 2011

ICLW -January


Wow, the first ICLW of 2011!! This is also my 300th post!!

If this is your first time here, HI! Welcome :) Please take a moment to look at our timeline. You can also check out my last ICLW, in November, for more info on us & our journey. The only update since November is that as of yesterday, I am 6 weeks post-op from having my left ovary & tube removed. I am finally starting to feel more like me physically, but the emotional part is another thing.

But anyway, I wanted to do something a bit different this ICLW & tell you guys a 15 random things about me!


* My Favorite Movie is Splash
* My dream country to visit is Indonesia
* I've always had a feeling I would adopt
* My favorite food is crab legs
* I am petrified of snakes...just seeing them creeps me out
* My all time favorite song is Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
* I have seen The Who in concert 3 times
* Cosmo magazine is my guilty pleasure read every month
* My toe nails have to be painted at all times
* My worst habit is biting around my nails
* Hoodie & jeans is the best outfit
* I constantly change my hair- the cut, color, whatever
* My knees & elbows are double jointed
* My DH is my polar opposite
* Growing up I always thought my middle name was Maria, it's really Marie

So, again, welcome....say hi & tell me something random about you!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

When a Man & a Woman...

I have a question that I want to look a bit closer at! I actually brought this up with Katie at Fromiftowhen & I think she was a bit perplexed, like myself!

I heard this last week, probably on the radio & I keep thinking about it. When it boils down to it, I probably should not be thinking about it as much as I am-but this is how I work & I cannot help it!!

So when it comes time to explain the birds & the bees to your child, most parents like to go with the "when a man & a woman love each other...." speech.

But how does this work when your child is adopted? "When a man & a woman love each other, they start paperwork?!" I do not think that is the way to go.

I think of this conversation & it's not always the most comfortable talk to have in the first place, but what do you do with it when you cannot bring any personalization to the question your child is asking?

Just something to examine & ponder! Any thoughts on this one?!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I feel like I have been stuck in the book Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...just all week!!

There are a few things I am still trying to process-no worries; my health is fine, the DH & I are fine & things are still right on track for our adoption-I just had something come up from my past that I was apparently hurting from more than I thought. Top that off with my CRAP-TASTIC day at work yesterday, ending with a shoe in my eye (yep, read that right) along with still being mentally drained after surgery...yep...that picture to the left is exactly what I look like!

I appreciate all the love I have gotten on Twitter, everyone on there is so wonderful, so thank you so very much, each & every one of you.

I am determined that things will get better in EVERY WAY!! I cannot be stuck in this book longer than a week because I may not make it out alive!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011

It's Happened...

Well, it happened last night. It all hit me. It hit me that I no longer have a left ovary & tube. It pissed me off because I have NO & I mean NO sex drive. I cried because I feel fat & less of a woman.

I cried, big, ugly, blubbering tears to my husband.

I don't know where to go from here. I know I cannot stay like this. I know the surgery was the right thing to do & I would not take it back. I really think it is going to make my life better & I have not a doubt in my mind about that-but how do I deal with the side effects.

How do you deal with the fact that you have this amazing husband, who loves you, stands by you & you do not feel good enough for him? How do you look at him & have NO desire to be with him?!

How do I look in the mirror & see who I used to be? I don't know who that woman is that looks back at me anymore.

It's finally happening...I'm trying to deal, but right now I don't think I am dealing so well.

I plan to getting back to my full workout routine tomorrow, I know I can loose the weight-I know I can get my body back (or at least I hope). I have the mind set that I WILL get my body back...so I am hoping that helps.

But how do I get my sex drive back? How do I become that sexy woman that wanted her husband so again? I love him, I want to be with him & it is breaking my heart that there isn't a hormone in my body that wants to help me with that.

I sit here & write in tears...I don't like what I have become....I want ME!

The Winner....

The Winner is Lisa from 3 Cats & a Baby

Congrats Lisa!! You have a week to email me so we can talk about your #Hope shirt!

Thank you everyone who entered & checked out Ivey Sew Design to help celebrate my birthday.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

International Blog Delurking Week

No matter if you just became a follower or have been here since the beginning! Say 'hi', tell me you are here. I LOVE my followers, each & every one of you!! ♥

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Last Of My 20s

How am I 29?! This is my last year in my 20s!!! I feel like it was just my 20th birthday & I was pouting in my room, mad that I was no longer a teen. (Yep, I tend to not be pleased with getting older)

The idea of turning 30 next year is weird to me. I remember my parents in my 30s & that seemed sooooo old, now here I am 1 year away from it. But, I am not go to dwell on 30, just not yet! I'll try not to freak for another 364 days.

I feel deep down in my heart 29 will be an amazing year. I feel like I will not even remember that I will be 30 next year or even care. 29 I believe will be a life changing year. I may be wrong, I may just be too hopeful, but I strongly believe that in my 29th year that I will become a mother. That LP will have a name, not just a nickname. That LP will be a boy or a girl & will have a precious face.

So I will try to remember that everyone tells me that the 30s are the new 20s. I will not worry about my age & focus on the good that I think will be coming this year!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

The How Dare She Rant

I normally try not to do a blog overload & write more than once, but after what happened today-I just had to rant!

Now I will preface by saying, I know what this woman did what she did; she wanted sympathy. Too bad she really, really was trying to get it from the wrong gal!

I received an email from a customer asking about a product. She asked a few questions & wanted to know if we could go down in price & I quote "because this is for my adopted son's first birthday & we are on a tight budget."

Did you read what I read...her ADOPTED son!!! Now, this woman is lucky that I had to stay professional & couldn't go off on her, because I had a few choice words to say.

How degrading to her son. How can you use that as your sympathy card...really?! I don't know, I guess I am already starting to become a momma bear & notice more when it comes to adoption. I notice what people say & how they react when you say adoption.

I could not believe this lady though. He may have been adopted. Your son WAS adopted! He is your son & this is his first birthday...being adopted has NOTHING to do with it. I felt sorry for her little boy when I read this; my heart ached for him. I hoped this was not normal for his mother. But then I got thinking, does she have biological children? If so WOW...does she consider them her children & him her adopted son?!

So much in her statement upset me. As a mother to be, I do not consider myself as an adoptive mother to be; maybe I am being naive...but LP will be my child. I would NEVER consider using adoption for sympathy or ever referring to my child as my adoptive child. That will be my kid, end of story!

Emptiness

I am not sure how to explain it; my DH says it's in my head. I feel empty on one side. Like I almost feet like there is less weight on my left side. I feel like there is this empty hole where my ovary & tube used to be.

I do not know how to explain it other than, it does not feel like it did before the surgery. Is this normal? Does anyone else know what I mean? I am sure it may seem a bit crazy-but oh well!

I am also at almost 4 weeks post surgery (the 6th) & I feel like I mourned the loss more prior to surgery than I have after. I feel like ever since my surgery, I had 1 really bad day & now I am just excited, excited at getting better. I am happy about feeling better & being on the road to recovery. The thought of feeling better & being healthy once LP comes home is just so exciting to me.

As much as I feel empty inside, I also feel whole again....

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!


Happy 2011! I cannot believe it is 2011 already, seems like I was just posting about the last decade when 2010 began.

This year has gone quickly & has been full of plenty of ups & downs, no doubt about that!

We have gotten so much closer to bringing our Little Pup home. We have done the homestudy, dossier, been fingerprinted like 15 times & so much more. I really feel that our little one will be home with us in 2011 & my post for 2012 will be as a mother.

I have lost some very important things this year-from a family pet to an ovary. Each lost that has happened this year has taken a toll on me both physically & emotionally, but I keep trying to chug through.

As far as my surgery that removed my left ovary & tube I see it as a step in the right direction. I am so looking forward to feeling better & working on me. For the pain not to rule my life anymore & I would love to be in tip top shape in order to be the best momma I can be for LP.

I love how Twitter & blogging has brought me some amazing friendships & how they have grown this year. I am so happy to see so many babies that have been born in 2010 & all those that are on their way in 2011. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see a baby adopted-I love it! My heart still aches for those who are going through this incredibly hard & sad journey trying to become a parent. I hope that 2011 brings happiness & comfort for those still on this journey & at the beginning of 2012 I can be writing about how happy I am for them!!

This is not a year I am sad to see go, as I am excited for what I feel 2011 has in store for all of us!

I want to end this New Years post with my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays! — D.M. Dellinger
 
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