I have always wanted 2 or 4 kids. I was never in to odd numbers. My father is an only child & I just always felt like it was lonely for him. Then I always worried about 2 because of the middle child syndrome.
Now I would take 3, 2...whatever. But 1, well 1 is very hard for me to swallow. 1 is hard for me not to have my heart break over. I do not want to sound selfish, but 1 for so many reasons is so hard on me. I worry about LP being an only child, I worry about all that will bring for him/her.
I see my dad & all he has to do as an only child. All that the responsibility he has for his parents as the age, all he has had to do for them. I see that he has no sibling(s) to help him with his. I watch as he does this alone & how he has no bond with anyone that 'gets' it.
He had no brothers that he got to play cars with or get in trouble with. No sister that he got to give her boyfriend a hard time or pick on her. He never got siblings & how they worked. I remember being younger & if my brother & I argued or picked at each other, he thought something was wrong with us.
I don't want this for LP. I do not want LP to not have that bond with a sibling..I don't want to have him/her be in their 50s & having to worry about getting the DH & I to deed our house to them or worrying about all that will happen with our aging.
I dont know, this may be a bunch of mumbo jumbo...I am really just thinking out loud, but I need it out.
I never wanted an only child. Not because I want more, but because I want my children to have a sibling. I want them to have that 1 person that knows them better than anyone else & will have been their for them their entire life.
I hate that infertility has more than likely robbed me of this. I hate that money controls how many children I will have. I hate how this wait has made me not want to do this again...between doing it all over & also how are you a good paint as you do this all again.
I never wanted an only child...but I will be ecstatic with whatever I end up with...I just hate feeling like it takes so much away from LP