Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Punished?

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel like we are being punished for turning down Baby M & have kind of been pushed to the bottom of the list.

To say I was heart broken today is an understatement. When I heard we more than likely would not have a referral for LP until next year, October if we were lucky, I felt like a dagger wen through my heart. I have just had it in my head that LP would be home by Christmas. We were told a 9-12 month wait was normal, closer to the shorter side once we were offically on the list...so the holidays seemed so right & perfect. But noooo!

I know they are giving referrals, I know there was even an infant referred this month. So why not us?! We were told turning M down would not hurt us & would not put us at the bottom of the list, but it sure feels that way to me. If turning down M wasn't hard enough & something I still deal with...now this.

I could be wrong, I do not know if we are at the bottom, but we aren't at the top! I knew this wait would be hard, I knew it would not happen fast, but I just didn't realize how hard. It could be worse, this I know. I am lucky, we are on the list...we know LP will be coming. I guess, after Baby M, & hearing we could have gotten a referral as soon as the end of the same month (May) I got hopeful....I should have known better.

I know once LP is here, I will forget about all this & it will mean nothing. I just wish that time would hurry up & get here!

4 comments:

  1. :(

    I'm trying to think of the right words to say but I know that waiting SUCKS! I'm not even in the actual *wait yet. I'm still finishing the homestudy.

    Poke your head out of the water and take a deep breath :)

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  2. I'm so sorry this happened. I was so sure LP would arrive this year too! (And I feel guilty for having a faster than expected wait - like I stole your baby or something!) I cannot wait to celebrate with you. You're so right, once LP arrives, that will be the only thing that matters :)

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  3. i am so sorry, chick! you are right, once LP is home, none of this will matter because you'll know that the wait was necessary to be matched with *your* child...BUT, it doesn't make this part any less suckier!
    hang in there...

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  4. I know how you feel. So scared of turning anything down for fear of nothing else will come.

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