I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel like we are being punished for turning down Baby M & have kind of been pushed to the bottom of the list.
To say I was heart broken today is an understatement. When I heard we more than likely would not have a referral for LP until next year, October if we were lucky, I felt like a dagger wen through my heart. I have just had it in my head that LP would be home by Christmas. We were told a 9-12 month wait was normal, closer to the shorter side once we were offically on the list...so the holidays seemed so right & perfect. But noooo!
I know they are giving referrals, I know there was even an infant referred this month. So why not us?! We were told turning M down would not hurt us & would not put us at the bottom of the list, but it sure feels that way to me. If turning down M wasn't hard enough & something I still deal with...now this.
I could be wrong, I do not know if we are at the bottom, but we aren't at the top! I knew this wait would be hard, I knew it would not happen fast, but I just didn't realize how hard. It could be worse, this I know. I am lucky, we are on the list...we know LP will be coming. I guess, after Baby M, & hearing we could have gotten a referral as soon as the end of the same month (May) I got hopeful....I should have known better.
I know once LP is here, I will forget about all this & it will mean nothing. I just wish that time would hurry up & get here!