Friday, May 6, 2011

Picking Up The Pieces

I am putting the pieces back together.

I did not realize how much a little girl, in another country, that I have never even seen could impact my life.

I knew going into this adoption journey that something like this could happen. That a baby could be referred to us, that sadly would not be a baby we would be able to accept. As much as I knew this was a possibility & as much as I had heard stories such as this, I wanted to ignore this. I wanted to think that it would not happen to us. I liked living in my little naive world, it was easier that way...that was until yesterday.

I knew when we got the call, that this one was different than the others we had gotten. I could just tell by the way the conversation was started. I knew right away I needed to get my DH & have him on speaker phone with us. Thank goodness I did, because I just broke down crying as soon as I heard what was going on...I was useless from there on out.

I know what we did was right, I know we made the decision for a reason, but it is still hard. I worry about her & what will happen to her....but in my heart, I know she was not our LP. I still will hold a special place for her in my heart, but she was not our LP.

I have to look at the bright part of this & that is the ball is rolling...they are giving referrals & it is possible that it could be as soon as the end of the month we receive another one. This is a good thing for us!

My heart hurts still & may for awhile. My family & the DH's family is behind us 110% on our decision & our friends have been here for us...this has helped tremendously.

I know when LP is in my arms, I will understand all this..I will understand why she was not the one for us.


  1. Still holding you all very close to my heart.

  2. **hugs**
    why do the right decisions have to be so hard sometimes?
    YOUR LP will be here soon.

  3. Hey girl.
    (hugs). This is so hard. I hope you don't mind, but I follow your blog and your story. Wishing and hoping that your LP is here soon.

    I admire you so much that I've nominated you for an award. If you get a chance, head on over to my blog to pick it up.

    Tonnes of hugs,

  4. big big hugs to you, my friend. i know that once you see LP's face, as hard as this was, you will know that you had to say goodbye to this little one in order to get to your little one...


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