Friday, May 6, 2011
I did not realize how much a little girl, in another country, that I have never even seen could impact my life.
I knew going into this adoption journey that something like this could happen. That a baby could be referred to us, that sadly would not be a baby we would be able to accept. As much as I knew this was a possibility & as much as I had heard stories such as this, I wanted to ignore this. I wanted to think that it would not happen to us. I liked living in my little naive world, it was easier that way...that was until yesterday.
I knew when we got the call, that this one was different than the others we had gotten. I could just tell by the way the conversation was started. I knew right away I needed to get my DH & have him on speaker phone with us. Thank goodness I did, because I just broke down crying as soon as I heard what was going on...I was useless from there on out.
I know what we did was right, I know we made the decision for a reason, but it is still hard. I worry about her & what will happen to her....but in my heart, I know she was not our LP. I still will hold a special place for her in my heart, but she was not our LP.
I have to look at the bright part of this & that is the ball is rolling...they are giving referrals & it is possible that it could be as soon as the end of the month we receive another one. This is a good thing for us!
My heart hurts still & may for awhile. My family & the DH's family is behind us 110% on our decision & our friends have been here for us...this has helped tremendously.
I know when LP is in my arms, I will understand all this..I will understand why she was not the one for us.
Posted by PCOSChick at 10:33 PM