Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Money Sucks (like that title?!)

Sadly, as we all know, money does not grow on trees; or at least not in my yard! If you have one, or know of one, would you mind sharing your tree??

My DH & I were talking this afternoon, & this is not the first we have touched on this subject...the subject of how many kids & money.

I hate that LP isn't even here yet & I worry about if there will be a 2nd baby. I worry about the money for a sibling for LP. I think about all we would have to go through again for another baby.

I've always wanted 2 kids. I have a brother & it always just seemed right. I have always wanted 1 of each.

My dad is an only child & I remember when we were children & my brother & I would fight & he thought it was weird & there was something wrong with us. Fast forward to now & I see my dad dealing with his parents, as they age, as an only child & it's sad.

I have nothing against only children, but I just always felt it was not for me. I always just knew, 2 kids was good for me.

Here I am though, as we get closer to LP & closer to our lives changing & I wonder...is there a way we can afford a 2nd child? Yes, at this moment we can, however, in the long run would we be able to provide LP with all we want to? I want LP to travel the world with us & go to the college of his/her choice. I want the world for LP & want to be able to give that!

I worry, will LP understand if we do not adopt a sibling? Will he or she be mad that they do not have a brother or sister or somebody like them?

All these questions & more run through my head. I just want to make the right decision...but is there ever a right decision?

What did you do? How did you know it was right?

10 comments:

  1. I'll just say that Prof & I are both only children and while there were certainly perks, we both really want two kids. As we face down our parents' declining years, it seems like it would be much less daunting with a sibling to share the experience with.

    Now, how do we get those two kids...

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  2. Money does suck! I agree with that whole-heartedly. For us, the desire to have more children is stronger than the worry about money....as crazy as that sounds. My husband and I grew up in two different families, his the life if privilege and travel (parents paid for college, etc) and mine one of working through college. We both feel that having more children, is more important than our being able to pay for trips and colleges. Family, to us, is more important than the materialism (not that there is anything wrong with trips and paying for college etc).

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  3. We haven't had to face the challenge of one or more children yet. We hope to have 3 someday, but one would be nice right now!

    What I will say is this: my sister and brother-in-law adopted their daughter almost 10 years ago (after about 4 years of failed IF treatment). She was never intended to be an only child. When she was about 4 years old, they applied again to adopt, however, they were never matched with another child. Turns out Bug (my niece) was meant to be an only child. She is spoiled (I'd be lying if I said she wasn't) but she is also loving, polite, articulate and darned smart! She has lots of friends and socialises well with them. As for how she will deal with her parents aging, only time will tell. But for now, she is a wonderful, happy child who flourishes even without siblings.

    From the other side of the coin, I am the youngest of four children with ailing and aging parents. While it would be awesome to have my siblings around to help me deal with our parents' health problems, that tends to be left to me. My sister is busy with her daughter and her job and she lives about 25 minutes away. My eldest brother lives in New Jersey (we're in Georgia) and my youngest brother (although still older than me) is so wrapped up in himself that he barely notices we have parents.

    Maybe it's due to our age difference (eldest brother is 14 1/2 years older than me, younger brother is 12 1/2 years older and sister is 11 1/2 years older) but I often feel like an only child, despite having them.

    I hope you find an answer that works for you!

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  4. I always said I wanted two! We have discussed it forever. We decided we will try again but if it doesn't happen..its ok (well it probably won't be ok then but that is what I keep telling myself now). Sweet Pea and LP can do things together =)

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  5. I don't think parents have to provide all of the money to make those things happen for our kids - I've traveled the world, gotten my college degree, bought my cars and house all without my parents' help (they couldn't afford to help one kid, much less 6 of us). My younger sister is now in a Master's program overseas, living abroad and traveling all over Eastern Europe and Russia on her own as well. I think parents can encourage their kids' will to succeed, or their drive for adventure in more ways than just financial...

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  6. Joey and I were just having this same discussion. While we both want two kids, we would like our child(ren) to have the best possible life. That doesn't mean being rich or anything - we just want them to be able to do some of the things we did or didn't do as kids. Also, Joey is 34 now. He'll likely be 35 by the time we bring home a child. And I doubt we'll be able to afford to adopt again until he's close to 40. So that's an issue for him, too.

    I think we've decided on the "play it by ear" approach. If we are financially stable enough to adopt again by the time Joey is in his late 30s, we may consider it. But, at this point, I've sadly accepted that one might be all we are blessed with.

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  7. i totally get this! we'll have to see how things work out, but for now, we're thinking we'll definitely adopt once more, but i can't help but hold on to my dreams of having FOUR kids!

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  8. My husband was an only child and he doesn't undertand why I want to add a sibling but isn't against the idea. Everything you listed as far as money is probably the main reason, but we've talked about it and talked some more and now he's in agreement. Assuming we can afford it our plan is to get started when she's in pre-school (potty trained).

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  9. Yep. I hear ya. LM has only been home a month, but before we brought him, I was already doing the math trying to figure out how it's possible to swing this again. Unfortunately, with the adoption climate in Korea right now, and I'm going to be pushing up against the age restrictions in 2 years, there isn't much time to raise the $. Not really sure how we are going to cross this bridge. Just burying my head in the sand for a bit...my advice is to focus on the first one. It will take up all the energy you have to get them home and cope with the transitions. Once you come up for air, you can worry about the next problem.

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  10. I can totally understand! My husband is an only child, and I am #3 of 4. Having siblings is special. If you are not able to swing it- LP will understand..you are awesome people, and I am sure you will be able to tell your story and LP will understand.
    It does SUCK that it is all dependent on money. That sucks ass. :(

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