Tuesday, March 1, 2011

High Hopes & Expectations

I feel like everyone has high hopes & high expectations of what our referral will be like. It seems like we have so many friends & family that keep telling us they have had dreams about it & how exciting & overwhelming it was for them.

I love to see the excitement everyone has for us. I love to hear about the dreams they have about us getting LP, but what if it's not all everyone thought?!

What if it isn't this big dramatic thing for them & they aren't as excited for us in real life as they are in their dreams? I know this sounds stupid, but it's something the DH & I have actually talked about.

Did any of you other adopters go through anything like this?


  1. I felt the same way when we were in the middle of the process. I felt like my inlaws, particularly, had high hopes. I tried to explain to them that while adoption is wonderful, it's not easy and it's sometimes messy...all we can do is wrap our arms around a little one and do the best that we can as parents, regardless of situation. I remember my brother-inlaw even saying one time, "What if he's ugly?" I just glared at him and said, "They he'll be cuter then you." :-) Talk with your hubs about this so that you're on the same page and educate your loved ones...yes they can be excited, but don't let their expectations, wants, hopes or dreams cloud your process. It's beautiful, but based in the reality of the situation. I don't know if that helps, but it's been my experience.

  2. We didn't get a referral like most people do (and we're doing domestic adoption, so obviously different). We hadn't yet started the process when an adoption situation come to us through an online friend. However, as soon as we realized this might be IT, it was absolutely amazing, heart-stopping, and terrifying all at once. As soon as we realized the baby was ours if we could come up with the money...that's when we shared it with our immediate family only. They were incredibly excited for us - but only my older sister had known we were about to start pursuing adoption, so it was a huge surprise all around!
    As far as extended family and friends go, pretty much everyone was thrilled for us, although I did get a lukewarm reaction from my cousin - I really think that was more that she had NO idea what to say, so she just didn't say anything at all. It kind of upset me at first, but I got over it.
    I'm sure your friends and family will be over the moon for you when your referral comes!


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