Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wordless Wednesday-Healing

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Quack Back for Baby

So if you all remember back to my give for 100 followers, I gave away a pair of Quack Back underwear! Everyone seemed to love them & the winner Jess over at A Greater Yes: Our Story of Embryo Adoption loved them!

Well now it's your turn to get a pair AND help with our adoption!!

Janet & her sister Theresa, the lovely ladies of Quack Back, came to me about a month ago & wanted to do something to help us with a fundraiser for our adoption. They have so VERY graciously offered to do this for us this weekend, which is bringing us another step closer to LP.

For every pair of Quack Backs you purchase, $4 will go towards our adoption! Isn't that soooooo very nice of them?! So you get your custom made pair of awesome underwear & help Mr PCOSChick & I!

So what are you waiting for?! Head on over to their site; buy a pair for yourself, your friends, whoever you want! Just please make sure you buy them between the 25th & the 27th & when you check out put code QB4Baby so they know I sent you!

Enjoy shopping & thank you for the support!!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Monday, June 21, 2010

Welcome June IComLeavWe

I cannot believe it's already time for June's ICLW! Where does the time go?!

A bit about Mr PCOSChick & myself. I have PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids, adhesions & problems with my estrogen levels. On top of all this, almost exactly a year ago we found out my DH has azoo. (we are a fun bunch, aren't we?!)

I just had my 5th lap last Thursday, where they found my adhesions have gotten much worse & we may be talking removal of my left tube, ovary & maybe some of my bowels at my post op. I have also had ovarian drilling, wedging, uterine suspension, and other fun things!

Because of all my 'issues' & my DH's lack of swimmers, we decided to bypass fertility treatments & go straight to adoption.

We are currently in the process of adopting from Colombia & we are half way through our dossier. We hope to have all the paperwork & homestudy done come early then our wait will begin for our little one.

So that is us in a nutshell!

So welcome everyone & I look forward to this months ICLW!!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Good & Bad News

Well yesterday's surgery was full of good & bad news.

Now remember this is a lot of what I was told when I was drugged, so I will not know exactly what is going on until my post op in 2-3 weeks.

The good news was surgery only took about 20 minutes. Mr. PCOSChick said it seemed like a minute after they took me back to surgery they were calling him to tell him I was done!

My endometriosis was not very severe, so he was pleased with that. I do not remember hearing anything about the cyst, so I am not sure if nothing was said or I just do not remember hearing anything! (good thing to ask at follow up)

There is however something I really do remember hearing. I have always had problems with adhesions & scarring. After you have as much going on inside of you as I do, it is to be expected. I was told with the last surgeries it was getting bad & last time Dr. Phonebook told me he tried to get as much as he could, but it was getting harder to try to take care of.

Yesterday he told me it was very bad, to the point where it is now a lot of my left side ovary, tube & some of my bowels. I remember starting to cry & the nurse handed me tissues...then all the sudden it hit me, I can't cry right now, that will hurt! I did ask Dr. Phonebook about removing the left side & he said he worries because of the bowels, but we would talk at the post op. If there was more to the conversation, I do not remember it.

I am trying not to freak-at least not yet! I want to do some research about options & stuff before my post op. To be honest, the tube & the ovary is not what worries me, it's my bowels. I have always had bowel problems & those I worry about getting worse. My ovary & tube have become useless to me, so loosing those, I think I can do-plus I would still have the right side. But yea, the bowels worry me.

Has anyone else had a problem like this? Recommendations on sites to look at or anything?!

Again, thank you for all the love & support yesterday, I appreciate it so very much.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wordless Wednesday-Worrying

Here is to hoping surgery stays on for tomorrow...if I have to cancel, I can't reschedule until August! I don't feel bad-just no voice!!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Happy Birthday!!

Today is my dear friend Jenn's Birthday!! Please drop her a line on her wonderful blog over at The Road to Happily Ever After or on Twitter at Amaprincess & wish her a VERY happy birthday!

Now Jenn, a little note to you! Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.

Happy 30th my dear! I hope you have a wonderful day :)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Start My 30th Bday Goals

Yep, I am setting goals & I WILL stick to them! I have to stick to them because I am blogging about them & once you blog about something-there is no turning least that is the plan!

Now, I turn 30 in 1.5 years (yes, I know, I still have a bit) But if I do not start now on these goals, then they won't happen, so this is important to me to get a start on things.

I have 2 major goals. Please do not judge me by my goals, as they are in no way meant to seem self centered or anything, these are just what I personally want to see myself accomplish.

The first goal actually is for a few months after I turn 29, however I would like to stick it out & see it happen into my 30s!

**Goal #1** I want to wear a 2 piece on our cruise next year. I want to be able to get in better shape & not hide my body & my scars. I want to get back to what I had before all my surgeries. I know it will take some hard work, but I am willing to do it. I know if I can set this goal of a 2 piece by the cruise, then that gives me something to work towards & something to hopefully then show off proudly (if I do it!) I take that back-I WILL do it!

I know we all have been there...between age, stress, infertility treatments/surgeries, it takes a toll.

So, yes that is goal #1...which helps me with goal #2!

Growing up I was a dancer; it was my life!! I started when I was 3 & by the time I was in middle school I was student teaching, on the schools dance team & taking 12 classes a week. Sadly, at 19 I had to stop when I had back my 2nd goal for my do 1 more dance recital!

I know this is a big goal & I know it will take a lot for me to get there, but I am determined. I have 2 years from last weekend until what would be my recital-so I better get going!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm Angry

I just got an overwhelming rush of anger! I am so angry it hurts, my blood is boiling.

I am angry that tonight I will be going to the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of my friend who died 10 years ago tomorrow. (post about him coming tomorrow) This is not how it's supposed to be. He is supposed to be here with us. He is supposed to be 28 & enjoying life. My husband & I should not be naming our first child after him, he is supposed to be here when we bring LP home. Even after 10 years, I miss him & still get angry.

Nobody should die when they are only 18. Nobody should loose a son, a brother, a friend when they are that young. It's just not how it's supposed to be.

Which brings me to another thing that makes me mad when it comes to loss. My blogger/twitter friend Courtney over at The Peeks recently lost baby boy #3. It was not Wyatt's time & I am angry & saddened for her & her family to know that things could have been different.

You know, they say everything happens for a reason. There is a purpose behind everything that will happen to you in your life. But I must admit, things such as my friends death & the passing of Courtney's precious boys makes me wonder.

It upsets me so much that the world can be so cruel sometimes. That things such as death, infertility, cancer, etc can happen to such good people.

Unfortunately my anger does not bring back my friend or Courtney's boys, but it can cause me to take a stand & do things-to help how I can. This is how I have used the anger from my friends death & plan on continuing to use it in that way.

But for today, 10 years after his death-I'm just going to be mad.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

An Angel Gets His Wings

**Sorry if this post is choppy or anything, as I am having a hard time writing it. Not because it makes me cry, more because it is so hard to put how amazing my friend was in to words**

June 5, 2000; 10 years ago today I lost one of my closest friends to brain cancer-we were 18!

I cannot believe it has been 10 years since I last saw my dear friend G. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him & know he is with me.

G had to be one of the most courageous, selfless, caring, amazing persons I had ever met. Even after having cancer 2 times, almost losing the first battle & eventually losing the 2nd, he never let it get him down.

His 2nd diagnoses came only after about a year in remission and attacking quickly, he knew his time was coming quickly to an end. He wanted to make sure that everyone; his friends & family would be ok. I remember him sitting down with us & letting us ask anything we wanted. He wanted us to know he was not scared & that it would be alright. When you are 18, you are not supposed to be having conversations like this with your friends. You are supposed to be enjoying high school graduation & preparing for college. He also picked out a gift for each of his close friends, something for him to leave us & remember him by. He had it all worked out & his mother brought the gift to each one of us the week after his death, with a note from him. How much more caring & thoughtful can you be in your last moments?

My favorite story about G happened just 3 weeks before he passed. It was our senior prom & I had the flu. I was really starting to get sick the day of prom & felt awful. G came over to my house that afternoon & brought me orange juice & cold meds because he did not want me feeling bad for prom. Here he was, dying & he was more worried about me & my cold. This is just 1 story that shows how amazing he was.

He made such an impression on everyone he met! We had over 600 people in our graduating class and EVERY SINGLE person in our class voted for him as prom king. I will never forget the look on his face, knowing how much everyone cared & loved him. The picture of his crowning is still one of my favorites-his big smile, all daper in his tux & dawning his newly shaved head! (this part of the blog causes me to grin as I write)

I can never tell you in a short blog about all the amazing things about him (if I did we would be here for ever) But I can tell you how lucky I was to have him in my life.

I really do believe I met him my first day of freshman year for a reason. He taught me so much about life, love & friendship. He also reminds me, even now, that I can do it. When I am having a bad day & feeling blue, I just think about all he went through & how he was so strong & it reminds me that I can do it-I will be ok.

I know he is watching over my DH & I now. I really do believe he is watching over our LP for us & will take care of him/her.

It's hard even though with 10 years have passed. I wonder if he would have married his high school sweet heart, if he would have kids. Would he still live in town or be like his sister & move every few years? I wonder how much he would have partied at our wedding; he did always love to bust out the Vanilla Ice. It's the big things like the weddings, births, etc that always make me miss him.

I know everything happens for a reason & I am still fully working on figuring out why such an amazing person was taken from this earth so quickly. It just seems totally unfair. Unfair that somebody with so much potential had to be stuck with this awful disease & never get to all he was meant to.

I am ending this post with his favorite song! He knew all the lyrics-dancing & singing to it often & keeping everyone entertained! An iconic song, for an iconic person!

Wordless Wednesday-Hopeful, Or At Least Trying

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Why I'm Done

As you read this, I am either still in surgery or just now coming out (aka, enjoying my drugged stooper)

Why am I done you may be asking yourself? I don't even know if I am out of why is this post called done?!

Well, that is because I have decided that this is it. After 3 laparoscopy surgeries & 2 more other invasive ones, this is it. I cannot keep doing this; both mentally & physically.

There is no longer the hope of a biological child, our bodies have failed us. But that is ok, I have dealt & continue to deal with it, however it is ok. My body has had it. My poor stomach looks like a war zone, I cannot keep doing this.

Mentally I am done also. I'm fried! But here is my problem...physically, I am ready for a hysterectomy, mentally I am not. However, I have decided this is it. This will be the last time I have a surgery & something is not coming out. Ideally, I would like it to go in sections. For example, my left ovary is the biggest problem-so why not take that first & then see if everything else regulates. This all sounds good in my head, but I have to see what the doctor says after this surgery.

I'm tired. I've been having surgeries like this for 9 years now & that is 9 years too long if you ask me. I am lucky Dr. Phonebook is so support & allows me to do whatever I would like. I am lucky that my husband supports me no matter what I decide. My support system between them, my friends, family & you guys is amazing, so I know that no matter what happens, I will be ok.
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