Thursday, December 31, 2009

Decade In Review

So I got thinking today..."what have I done in the past 10 years?"

A lot, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot has happened! I am not as good as Jenn over at The Road To Happily Ever After and I cannot list things by years (I admire your memory Jenn!). Some I know the years, others I have no idea, so I worry if I tried to do it by years, some years may look blank!

So in no particular order, here are some of the big, life changing events that have happened over the last 10 years!

*Graduated High School
*Lost my very close friend at 18 to brain cancer
*Chaired the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life for 3 yrs (was the youngest in the state)
*Had major back surgery
*Relearned to walk
*Went to the community college
*Transferred to a local University
*Dumped my high school boyfriend after 4 years (this was a huge deal!)
*Moved to Cleveland for a guy (I was young & dumb!)
*Went to college in Akron & lived up there for over a year
*Moved with no notice back to Dayton
*Went back to the University
*Commuted between Dayton & NYC every week of my Senior year of college
*Graduated College (first in my family to do so)
*Bought a condo
*Caught a boyfriend on National TV (Monday Night Football) with another girl
*Stopped smoking
*Tried to snowboard & broke both wrist
*Found out I had PCOS
*Had 4 female surgeries
*Had foot surgery
*Got a staph infection & was admitted to the hospital
*Met my DH
*Got engaged before meeting my DH's parents
*Married My DH in a small ceremony on the beach
*Got my Kiso boy
*Went on the worst honeymoon ever
*Had my brand new car catch on fire (Thank you Jiffy Lube)
*Found out who my true friends were
*Found out my hubby had azoo
*Realized we were really infertile
*Decided to adopt
*Moved my DH into my condo (it doesn't seem as big as it once did)
*Learned to Ski (broke nothing!!)
*Met my amazing group of friends & supporters on Twitter

So all in all, the past 10 years has been eventful & has really had it's ups & downs. I look forward to the next decade & hope I can look back on it, as I do this last 10 & think it has really made me who I am.

May you all have a Very Happy & Safe New Years!

I am excited for 2010 & feel in my heart, it will truly be an amazing year for us all!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Monday, December 28, 2009

Countdown

My countdown is beginning. I only have a little over a week until adoption & I will officially be making up & getting back together.

I must admit though (as much as adoption won't like to hear this) the break has been very nice. I have not worried about how we would pay for things, or what needs to be done for the homestudy. I have not looked up anything on the internet about adoption & I even read a non adoption related book!

As nice as the break has been, I have to say, I have missed it. Part of me felt like I was already being a bad mother by doing this. Like a future child would feel like I was giving up on them in order to focus on me.

I knew if I did not take this break however, I would be in no condition to really take on all this adoption stuff full force after the first of the year. I needed the time to regroup & re-evaluate. Just spend time with the DH & focus on us too.

He has loved the break, as I am not on pins & needles & crying all the time when I get frustrated. But we talked about it last night & when adoption & I get back together, I want to take things slow, pace myself. I do not want to jump all in at once...if I want to stay "sane" during this process, I have to take it easy.

I am excited & nervous to pick back up...excited to get the ball rolling & be closer to our baby, nervous, that I will become an emotional wreck again!

Guess I have about a week & a half until I figure out how it will all go after this time off!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Happy Birthday Mr. PCOSChick

So today is Mr. PCOSChick's birthday-Happy Birthday baby!

Today is the birthday of the man that is my rock, the one that picks me up with life gets to me, the one that I am on this fun filled adventure called marriage with.

I am not sure how I could be doing all this without him by my side.

We have been through a lot, I mean a lot since we got married. The start of our adoption journey has only shown me more of what a great person he is. I have always known he has a heart of gold, but any man that can put up with me when this journey gets the best of me & be there for me is amazing.

I am so excited to continue on my journey with this man. I am excited to see him as a father in the future, as he is just so great with Kiso, & I can only imagine what he will be like with kids. I am so excited to grow old with him & go through all these ups & downs.

So on this day of my hubby's birthday, how do you tell a man how much he truly means to you & how thankful you are for him being in your life.

Happy Birthday Mr. PCOSChick, my rock, my everything!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Blog Design

As I am sure most of you have noticed by now, I have a new blog design! I wanted something that was a bit more me & a bit more PCOSChick! I found Sheila at Blog Designs by Shelia from Kate at Busted Plumbing & just loved what she had done for Kate.

If anyone is looking for a new blog design, I highly recommend Shelia. She has some great ideas (she came up with the Mr PCOSChick) & works very quickly!

So Thank You Shelia for finally making my blog the design I knew it could be! I look forward to starting 2010 with my great new look...who knows, maybe it's a lucky new design?!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Thank You

This week I have had 2 VERY special offers to help me in my journey to becoming a mother. Both of these things brought me to tears & left me speechless (which doesn't happen much)

First, one of my nearest & dearest friends offered me an amazing gift. My friend who is lucky to be the mother of a very beautiful 1 year old daughter has offered my husband & I the gift of surrogacy. Here we are sitting at dinner & she tells me this. As I sat there & cried in my beer, I had no words to thank her enough. How do you thank somebody for even being so selfless that she is willing to offer her body & time to give you such an amazing gift. I know people can offer things like this, just saying them & deep down hoping you would never accept their offer, but I know she was very serious & would do this in a heartbeat for us. Just the thought of her making such an offer blows me away. I get teary just sitting here thinking about her telling me she would do this, with tears in her eyes. So Thank You L! You are amazing & words cannot truly describe how very thankful I am.

Next comes my little brother. Gosh, that is all I have to type & I really get emotional. As tough as my brother tries to be from time to time, he has the most amazing heart & is a softy deep down (he gets this from our grandfather & mother) My brother wanted to be able to help my DH & I in our journey to becoming parents & made a very generous donation to the start of our "baby" fund. My brother & his girlfriend chipped in & presented me with a check today; let the waterworks begin! My brother decided not to purchase any Christmas gifts this year for the family & took the money that he would have spent & gave it to my husband & I instead. This money is a wonderful donation to our fund & will really bring us joy in the future! So Thank You baby bro!

Both of these things this week have just made me realize even more how many people my hubby & I have supporting us on this journey. But I tell you, if people keep doing stuff like this, I am going to be spending a lot of time crying!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wordless Wednesday-Calm Before The Storm



How I feel about my break from adoption-calm before the craziness :)

Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas Gifts


We are not big gift givers in our family, never really have been. Not for the holidays or birthdays. Most of the family birthdays are around the holidays..so that makes for craziness.

This year I wanted to do something though. Just a little something & perferably something that had to do with adoption. My DH had bought me a gift from The R House's Etsy Shop & I loved it. It was adoption related & was helping the R Family with their contested adoption, soooo I thought why not! Why not buy all the ladies in the family something from this store. 

I loved how it represented adoption to me & the money I spent was going to a great cause.

So even though we are not big gift givers, this year I am giving. I am giving the gift of adoption & I am so very excited for the ladies in my family to wear these items & represent adoption...what will someday be a huge part of our family!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Wonder

I wrote this post on the plan while coming home from Thanksgiving. We were sitting next to a lady with her newborn baby & well, it just got me thinking.


I wonder what it would be like if we changed our minds & tried IUI. I know we have an extremely small chance, but I can't help but wonder. Would our child have his antlytical thinking gene or my business gene? Would they have a flat spot at the end of their nose like my father & I or maybe the DH's Darwin pointed ears? I wish sometimes I did not wonder, but I can't help it. It's funny though because I wonder about our adopted child too.

I am a big believer in nurture over nature, so I cannot help but wonder what our child(ren) will like that is the same as us. Will they be a skier like their daddy & love the snow even though they may be Columbian or is it possible they will have a passion for traveling like me, even if their birthparent(s) may have never been out of their town or village?

I know I will always wonder in one way or another what our birthchild could have been like, but at the sametime I am so very excited to see what traits & characteristics our child(ren) will have of us. Will we even walk down the streets & be told they look like us? Time will only tell, so until then I will wonder!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

We Are On a Break!


That's right, I'm breaking up with adoption! Well, not breaking up, more like taking a break...you know, like you used to do with your high school boyfriend!

After last weeks breakdown as the agency packets started arriving, I figured, if I wanted to make it through the DH's birthday, the holidays & then my birthday a sane woman, I needed to take a break. (I would like to turn 28 as sane as possible for a woman dealing with infertility & adoption)

This doesn't mean I won't think of adoption or miss it, it just means I will not be researching, reading, etc. I want to be able to focus on my family & not be crying or going nuts! I feel that it is only fair to my family & myself.

I think this is the best for both adoption & I at this time. I think after the first of the year, we will be more on the same path. I have agreed to take time off school so I can focus on my relationship with adoption & help save money to give towards adoption. This should make adoption VERY happy!

Once I feel it's time to get back together & work on our relationship again, I intend to be single & free, or sane, whatever you would like to call it.

Until then, I will miss you dear adoption, but I feel this is best for our relationship & it will only make us better & strong in the future! I hope you understand that it has nothing to do with you, it is all me & I really just need this time away in order to make us better in the long run!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Winding Road


This is going to be a long & winding road-we have both realized this from the beginning. It will not always be easy & it will get the best of us from time to time.

As the adoption agency packets start arriving in the mail & the more research is done-it all makes you wonder, how in the heck does anyone do this? How can they stay in a country for 8 weeks or how in the world do you afford this?! Also they want all your medical records....hmmm...hope they are ready for a book when it comes to me!

We are strong & we can do anything together. Our story has been like a long winding road-always full of twist & turns & this is just adding another curve. But as we sit & look through applications & try to decide if we will adopt domestically or internationally, you cannot help but think about how much longer your road is getting & how curvy it is!

As we feel overwhelmed & shed tears, I cannot help but think ahead a few years & know we will shed tears again, but this time as our child is being placed in our arms. At that VERY moment we will then realize how worth every twist & turn in our road was worth every emotion it brought!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Angry Infertile

I'm having a "bad infertile" day. I am angry & for so many reasons. I am angry for things that deal with me & things that do not!

This is all so unfair! Why is it that I have to go through all this & watch all these women that have become my friends feel pain too. 

I am mad that there are 1 too many BFNs going on. The fact that we have to worry about how we are going to afford getting our children; no matter if it's through treatments or adoption pisses me off. What about all the questions too-when are you going to have a kid?! Or what about the fact that adoptive couples have to worry about if the birth parent may come back-so unfiar. I'm just a really pissed off infertile today.

I'm angry that I get angry. I hate bad days! I hate when I cannot help it & all the sudden I am crying at my desk. I hate these set backs...I do not want to be mad, I do not want to go through hurt & I don't want watch others deal with it either. These ladies on Twitter have become such wonderful friends & support & it upsetting when they have set backs-so that makes me made too!

But I guess I will just suck it up today & deal with the fact that I am just one angry infertile & that is ok...I will have these days (as much as I hate them & they piss me off!)

Feeling Loved!

Thanks to 100DaysOfIVF of Chasing a Miracle & Kate of Busted Plumbing for these following 2 awards. Honestly, with all the awards going around I feel very honored that these 2 ladies & others think of me & my blog.

I started this blog on a whim, just as some sort of way to get my feelings out with all I was dealing with & had no idea what it would become. I really appreciate all the love & support that I have received & can only hope in some small way I can help others. So thank you all again!

100DaysofIVF honored me with the following award:

The Rules:

* Share 7 things that you don't already know about me.
* Name 7 other blogs to receive this award.
* Leave a comment on each of the blogs I nominated.
* Thank the person who gave you the award.


1) My hubby & I met on Match.com-yep, we could be in one of those commericals & get asked often if we will be sending our story into them.
2) I hate, I mean HATE popcorn! I cannot stand the smell, taste or texture...ewwww
3) I have 4 tattoos & will be getting a 5th for my upcoming birthday. All have VERY deep meaning to me & took lots of thought & hardwork before getting them. My last one had to do with hoping for a baby...my next will deal with infertility & motherhood-kind of my moving on tattoo.
4) I love to travel. My bags are always packed & ready to go! I've been to over 20 countries & have so many more on my list to go to.
5) My toenails are ALWAYS painted. I cannot stand them not being painted & cannot remember a time they were not.
6) My DH & I got married on my grandfather's birthday. We even had a birthday cake for him & everything as a surprise. It was wonderful to be able to get married on his birthday-made it easy for a gift to give him that year..ha
7) My dream job is working for a non profit organization. The Cancer Society, Heart Association, etc....just really feel the need to help people!

And The Award Is Passed On To (In No Particular Order)...

-Fertility Chick of FertilityChick
-Leah of Life According to Leah
-Lisa of Waiting Lisa
-Lindsey of The R House
-Jenn of The Road to Happily Ever After
-Naomi of 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
-Roxanne of The Quest for Baby Hang

On to the next one! Thanks again Kate!


The rules for this award:

  • Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
  • Link the nominees within your post.
  • Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.


-Rebecca of The Baldwin Adventures
-Stork on Strike of Stork on Strike
-Wishing 4 One of Wishing4One
-Jrny2mmhood of My Journey to Mommyhood
-Susan of Not A Fertile Myrtle
-Katie of The Happy Hours
-Vanessa of TTC Now
-Kate of Busted Plumbing
-Kaitlin of Ah...My Married Life
-Giant Speed Bump of Love You Already
-Elle of Hope and Envy

Thanks again for the awards ladies & I hope all you wonderful ladies I nominated pass on the love!!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanks Fertility Chick!



A HUGE thank you to Fertility Chick for this awesome award! If you haven't visited her blog, please do so, as you will be entertained in every way possible when it comes to the good ole land of IF.

So here's the deal:

• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
• Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.


So...five bloggers in no particular order:

1. PregnantYuppy from The Pregnant Yuppy
2. NuckingFutsMama from Mama 2 Point 0
3. Rebwim75 from Liberal Granola Girl
4. 100DaysofIVF from 100 Days of IVF
5. Natalie from Once Upon a Cline

I could name so many more, as I love you all-so please, so spread the love!

Thanks again Fertility Chick for thinking of me & giving me such an honor!
 
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